I grew up going to church with my parents. They tried to protect me from seeing my uncles deal with alcoholism, my aunt deal with abuse and strong drugs. I experimented with alcohol and marijuana in my teen years but by the time I turned 21 years old, I had no desires to do any of that any longer. I met my husband, began a family. We grew together in God, becoming quite involved in our church at the time. We lived our lives the way we thought God wanted us to. Then when I was pregnant with my third daughter, we were in a car accident. This started my downward spiral. I went from not even taking Tylenol to buying pain pills prescribed by a doctor to getting them from dealers. I spiraled so far from God. I felt dirty, disgusted at myself, angry at God for allowing my life to get to where it was. I felt ashamed and unworthy. I lived in this battle, this storm for 10 years before I knew I could not live like that anymore. My parents prayed for me. So did their churches and friends. Even after we were able to leave the town we were in and move over an hour away, I found myself back into my nightmare. I began to have suicidal thoughts thinking that my family would be better off without me. God would not want to forgive me, and I truly didn't either. I just felt there was no other way to get my life on the right path. I finally turned to professionals for help, mental and physical. I began to go to church with the family even though I felt like I didn't belong, that God would not want to forgive me, that I did not deserve forgiveness. But with time, with guidance, continued love and prayers, never feeling judged by anyone at this new church, I realized God was speaking to me through the Pastor's sermons and once I was ready and I chose to turn back to Him, He immediately grabbed me in His arms, He forgave me, and I was able to finally learn how to forgive myself. This is not an easy road to travel but I can see that my path was moving forward, finally. I am no way near the end of my journey through this. I do have to take medication to help keep me balanced mentally an physically but I know one day, God will help remove even that. I stayed involved as much as I can in church to grow my relationship with God. I attend Bible college so that I can learn as much as I can about Him and His plan for my life. I pray that God can use me to help just one person that is going through this same struggle. Pain pills do not discriminate and can take over anyone's life before that person is even aware of what is happening. As close as I was to God before the wreck I was not "protected" from this addiction and being addicted to anything is not an overnight thing. It is a slow, slippery slope that will have a hold on you before you ever know it. Being saved does not mean life will not have tough times or rough times. But it does mean that while you are in the valley, God can give you peace and He gives you forgiveness, always, no matter what the sin is.
I thank God every day that He never gave up on me. I thank God that I can be honest with my family, my children, with my church family and that I no longer feel guilt or have shame for the last 10 years of my life's journey.
~ Laura
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