Jesus Heals a man Born Blind

Jesus Heals a Man Born Blind John 9: 1-11 Testimony of Travis Stack I want to start by saying that I’ve dealt with depression & anxiety my entire life, but never sought help to address those feelings. I grew up in a house where there was drinking, domestic violence, and constant chaos. This was all I knew and I thought this was normal. From an early age I used alcohol to try and cover the feelings I had. I hung out with people who drank & used drugs, and anytime I tried to open up about my feelings they would brush me off, offer me something to numb those feelings. I thought those people cared about me, I believed they were my friends. I was wrong. I’m going to Fast forward through many years of HELL…… In 2019 my life was spiraling out of control. I had been in and out of jail, one bad decision after another, a cycle that I couldn’t break myself free of. April 11th, 2019 my Dad passed away. I held his hand as he took his last breath. I had never felt more helpless in my entire life, like a piece of me was gone. I started to drink even more, my hurt always turned to anger and that landed me behind bars just 3 months after his death. While serving my time in prison, I went 9 months without seeing my Mom. When I finally saw her, I knew something was wrong. In March of 2020 my Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. The cancer turned her into someone I didn’t recognize. I had always been her baby boy, but now I was the enemy. She would cuss me, beat me with anything she could get her hands on, and even shot at me. Cancer took her in October of 2020, and that sent me over the edge. I drank all day every day, I had no desire to live any longer. I ran off the few people left in my life that cared about me. This is when I decided to end my life. I tried to overdose on pills, but would wake up no matter how much I took. I tried cutting my throat. Every time I tried something, someone would find me. Every failed attempt just made me worse, mad that I was still alive. One day I made a plan that I thought was foolproof. I planned to hang myself, knowing that my stepdad was going on his nightly trip to the store and would be gone a long time. I hung myself on the door knob with the cord from a sweatshirt. BUT GOD...my stepdad completely changed his routine, came home early, heard me gurgling and and cut me loose. It would only be a few months later that life would gut punch me again, when my Stepdad lost his battle with cancer. Only 11 months after my mom died. In 3 years I had lost 3 parents, I was so angry, and my depression had me at an all time low. I hated myself and I wanted everyone else to hate me too. So now I’m all alone, thinking that the one person that I had in my life hated me and I had no reason to live. I cut my arm and hit an artery, I had lost so much blood that I was passed out when a friend found me and convinced me to go to the ER. I was rushed to Charlotte and had emergency surgery to repair my arm. I got out of the hospital and decided to sober up…but I was alone. I was empty and broken….my girlfriend (now my wife) tried to comfort me but my anger and violence was out of control. I told her if she left me I would use the sawed off shotgun that was kept in my recliner to finally end my life. She did call the police because she knew I would hurt myself. The cops took me to the behavioral unit at the hospital but I convinced them I was fine. They let me leave but because of an outstanding warrant I was picked up and taken to jail. I still had an arm full of stitches from my recent attempt to take my life, and I was put on suicide watch in a padded room. I was alone with nothing but a bible that I had no interest in reading. I thought God had left me too. There was an ace bandage on my arm, and I saw an opportunity to finish what I had my mind set on. In my mind I had no reason to live..my girlfriend, my kids, my sister…nobody wanted to talk to me. I was done. I decided to pray and I said “Lord if I have any purpose here, any reason to live…show me”. They came to get me out of my cell so the nurse could clean my wound, when she finished she put the ace bandage back on. In my mind I saw this as my answer....I had no purpose and I would use this bandage to kill myself. As I was walking out, the door was almost closed and I heard the nurse say “He has to come back in here I can’t allow him to have that bandage..he’s on suicide watch!” I broke down and wept like a baby, I went back to my cell and opened my bible to Romans 10:9. I asked God to forgive me and to please remove anything & anyone from my life that wasn’t of Him. I finally realized that with God, I had everything I needed. I had tried my whole life to fill those voids, to hide that depression, anger & anxiety with worldly things. Those worldly things are temporary, those highs go away quickly leaving you to chase another one. Jesus never runs out, he will never leave you. I lived for 38 years battling drug addiction,alcoholism,depression & PTSD from childhood traumas. Now I walk FREE, no longer bound by any of those things. I know now that I do have a purpose. To love and be loved by the One who paid the ultimate price for me on Calvary. I am here to be a disciple so that I can show others the way to Him. I have a personal relationship with GOD, a Father that will never leave you. I pray that if you are struggling with feelings of depression, contemplating self harm, that my story will help you realize there is hope. You are never too far gone. There is NO amount of broken that God can’t repair, no sin he can’t forgive. Trust me when I tell you that I left a lot of details out of this for times sake, but my life was messy & hard…there were some very bad times. I made a lot of mistakes. I can’t change the past….but I have changed my future…with the help of the ONE who holds my life and my heart in His nail scarred hands. Nearly 2 years clean and sober, the man I used to be no longer exists. I’m married to my best friend. I now have a relationship with my kids, my sister, my nieces and nephew. I have a loving church family, a job that I enjoy, and a joy in my heart that only comes with knowing that I have been rescued & redeemed. Psalm 40: 1-3 #butGod In Christian Love, Travis Stack